A few good rules…

This list of rules was posted the other day on the CrossFit Affiliate page.  It is the list for lifting at CrossFit Brand-X operated by Jeff and Mikki Martin who are the founders of CrossFit Kids.

Although we don’t have a set of rules, see these below as good guidelines to follow for while you are moving weight.  We have good coaches, Alan, Faith and Michelle and you can ask each of them any questions you like regarding lifting and technique.  It’s even better when two or three are in the room as each communicates slightly differently.  Listen, learn, and implement.  Go get some.

(Aka “Avoid the Cornfield: How to Conduct Yourself on the Platforms at CrossFit Brand X”)

Here at CrossFit Brand X, the birthplace of CrossFit Strength Bias, we love to move heavy stuff. So you can expect, on average, one or two classes a week involving a lift on the platforms. Given the typical class size, for these time-capped lifting sessions to be efficient, effective, and, most importantly, safe for clients, certain procedures must be followed lest you get wished under the cornfield.

“(1) Listen to the trainers. CrossFit Brand X trainers know how to lift weights. They’ve spent hundreds of hours moving literally tons of it, learning from some of the best coaches around. So when one is speaking, take note. You will learn proper technique, thus gaining strength and avoiding a six-month layoff while you figure out that that little pain is a hernia.

(2) Check your ego. This one is directed mostly at the guys. When it comes to the platforms, know your limits, be patient, and learn technique. The fastest way to screw up your progress or hurt yourself is trying to keep up with more advanced lifters because you’re worried we might think your dick is small. Your dick is probably small. We don’t care.

(3) Do not be a pussy. This one is directed mostly at the gals. Yeah, we know you haven’t lifted weights before and you’re worried about getting too muscular. Guess what? We don’t care. Get on the bar and lift. You will like it, particularly when you start lifting heavier than the men in your life. You’ve noticed the other Brand X ladies. None of them look like the Hulk. You will learn that strong is the new skinny and that a double bodyweight deadlift is the Prada of weightlifting.

(4) Come ready to lift every day. Over time, you will learn about accessories designed to help you achieve a higher level. From belts to wraps to shoes. Buying them is not enough. Use them. That means you need to bring them to the gym. CrossFit is constantly varied, so routinely telling trainers that your lifting shoes are at home because you didn’t know we were going to lift makes you eligible for the cornfield. When you’re ill-equipped, you’re wasting space and everyone else’s time and possibly putting yourself at risk of injury.

(5) Pay attention. Standing in line is typically viewed as an invitation to engage in idle chitchat. Not so at CrossFit Brand X. Here, it is prep time, from choosing your next weight to psyching up for your PR attempt. It is also a great time to learn about the lifts so the trainers don’t have to keep explaining the difference between a clean and a snatch.

(6) Prepare to lift while awaiting your turn. When it’s go time, it’s go time. Stomp your feet and make the bar your bitch. Chalk up, belt up, psych up, and/or pray beforehand. Dillydallying on the platform while you get your ritual on or struggle into your new powerlifting belt or fret over what weight you want to lift wastes time, and in CrossFit, every second counts.

(7) Hit your lift and exit the platform. Just PR-ed? Excellent. Wanna celebrate? Cool. We’ll celebrate with you. Off the platform. Let someone else earn a reason to celebrate. We can then have a PR party. We call it the WOD.

(8) Know your numbers. With today’s technology, there’s no reason you can’t keep records of your lifts on hand for ready access. You can’t expect the trainers to know each and every lift for each and every client. Not knowing your numbers kind of says you don’t care. You will never squat doodly-squat with that kind of attitude.

(9) Help load and unload bars. Get in there, be useful, and get familiar with the bumper plates and iron. And frankly, there is something ironic about a CrossFitter being too lazy or self-involved to help fellow clients change loads.

(10) Give way to the veterans and alphas. Some clients have earned certain allowances on the platforms. Don’t get all bitter about it; instead, put the quality time in and earn the same privilege. Sorry. No, not really.

(11) Clear the area when you are finished. All done? Move off, please. The platform area is too cramped to support spectating. So water up, hit the bathroom, and begin dreading the impending WOD.

(12) Encourage, do not coach. By all means, offer support and cheer your fellow clients on. But nothing irks the trainers more than when clients offer CrossFit instruction to other clients. Do not do it. Ever. It can be dangerous. And it’s certainly aggravating. You will politely be told to STFU.”